


Leaving Tonight

by kiyoomiimaa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Break Up, Explicit Language, Haikyuu Angst Week 2020, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, Its shitty, M/M, Panic Attacks, Post-Time Skip, SakuAtsu, SakuAtsu Week, everyone is crying, im so sorry, tried my best tho
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-09-20
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:34:47
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26568874
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kiyoomiimaa/pseuds/kiyoomiimaa
Summary: "So that's it?" Atsumu asked."That's it," Kiyoomi responded.
Relationships: Miya Atsumu/Sakusa Kiyoomi
Comments: 9
Kudos: 87





	Leaving Tonight

**Author's Note:**

> tw// panic attack !!  
> this is my first fic to ever write or upload, I know it's not that great but I did my best!!  
> plus english isn't my first language so please excuse any vocabulary and grammar mistakes !! <3  
> happy reading <3 <3 <3

''I am breaking up with you"

_If we are honest, no one would have imagined, not even Atsumu himself, that six simple words have the ability to shatter and destroy him in the blink of an eye. Miya Atsumu is known to be a very charismatic person; his all-over-the-place personality is working like a magnet that attracts all kinds of people. Even as a child, all the other children were following him and were treating him as if he was someone important, -the leader, one may say-. He is gifted, charming, athletic, hot, bright -despite his brother's remarks-, hardworking, funny, yet, he is rude, selfish, noisy, extremely talkative, obnoxious, annoying, and arrogant._

_Admittedly, his flaws overshadow his good qualities, as a result, insults, and complaints about his behavior are quite a common thing, yet they never bothered him; he never gave a damn about whatever people had to say about him. Miya Atsumu is pretty much unbreakable._

_Or that's what he and everyone else thought._

Hearing those words made him shocked? Speechless? Furious? Sad? Disoriented? Annoyed? Frustrated? Maybe all of the above? He wasn't sure about what he was feeling, but he surely was lost.

"What?" his throat suddenly dried making his voice deep and hoarse.

"You heard me. I just came to inform you. I hope you respect my decision enough, so as not to cause me the inconvenience of extending the matter further."

Atsumu wanted to cringe at what Sakusa was saying; he sounded so robotic (?). Did he learn his words by heart? Was he pranking him? No, this is too much even for him.

"What d' ya mean ya 'r breaking up with me? What did I do? Was it something I said? Or did?" he was getting panicking. '' C'mon Omi, you know 'm only messin' with ya, I don't mean the things m' saying.'' an awkward laugh escaped along with Atsumu's words. This had to be some sort of a big misunderstanding that they will look back in and laugh. 

Sakusa rolled his eyes and stood up from the couch he was sitting. ''No, it wasn't something you did.'' I would never leave you for something like this, he wanted to say, but he swallowed the words.

''Then what is it?''

"I said everything you need to know. G-''

''Cut the crap, 'kay. Ya can't say something like this without any explanation.''

''I said what I said, goodbye Atsumu, hope you have a great life," said Sakusa in the same indifferent tone, while slightly bowing his head, then turned towards the exit and shut the door, leaving a baffled Atsumu behind it.

Sakusa Kiyoomi had left.

He left him.

.

Empty.

That's what Atsumu felt once he was left alone inside his apartment; It felt as if all that happened was fake: a stupid dream, a fucking nightmare that he would soon wake up from.

But it wasn't so, after a very long minute or so, it all hit him like a god damn train.

Different kinds of emotions rushed into his body. Sakusa Kiyoomi had broken up with him and left as if the years they spend together had never happened. _What the actual fuck?_ He didn't even justify his decision, he just destroyed everything and vanished. Who does he think he is? He is just some random man who happened to be Atsumu's, first and fiercest love, who happened to be the only person to get to know Atsumu almost the way his brother did, who happened to be the person Atsumu had shared the happiest and saddest moments of his adult life with, who happened to be the only goddamn person in this planet Atsumu had given it all; his soul, heart and body. And he left leaving everything they had behind him. 

God, he was so angry, but not at Sakusa, no, he would never get seriously mad at Sakusa, he _couldn't_. Sakusa is the best thing to have ever happen to him (along with volleyball, of course). It might sounds cliche but it's the truth. Kiyoomi may seem like an asshole that despises everyone, well he kind of is, but that's only a tiny part of him that he chooses to show the world. In reality, he is a kind, loving, understandable and beautiful soul in his own unique way. Sakusa is not a verbal guy, he can't tell you how much you mean to him instead, he acts. He shows affection by buying hand sanitizer and a towel set that would be used when in his house, by hugging or running his hands through hair while watching a movie or by holding hands inside his jacket pocket when ts cold outside. For goodness sake, how could he be mad at someone like him?

It's obvious, the only person to blame is himself and him only. Atsumu desperately asks himself illogical questions in order to get mad at Sakusa but he only does that in order to quiet down the first and only true question. 

_Why?_

_Why was he abandoned again?_

_Of course, it was his fault Kiyoomi left._

_Everything is his fault, it always is._

_He is a disappointment and nothing more._

He can't breathe.

_Always letting down the people he loves and cares about, be it his family, his brother, his teammates._

_And now he disappointed the single person that loved him back, the only person that accepted him for what he truly was and always put up with his bullshit no matter what._

_And he made him leave._

God, it hurts. His whole body does. He didn't realise he was crying until he had to shut tight his eyes in order to clear his blurry vision so that he can find his phone.

.

"What d' ya want dickhead, 'M kinda busy." Osamu said with a phone between his shoulder and ear and his hands stuffed in a ball full of rice.

"Oh, 'samu 'm sor-" was all Atsumu said before a sob escaped his mouth and his breathing became uneven _again_. ''Fuck.''

"Atsumu, are you okay?''. He was all serious now, entirely focused on the shaky breathes he was getting, instead of an answer, from the other line of the phone. Osamu immediately understood.

''If you can hear me hit something'' he tried to sound as calm as he could.

A moving sound echoed through the speaker and so Osamu continued talking.

''Great. Now please try to follow my breathing, okay? Inhale. Exhale.''

Osamu's heartbeat so fast, he felt he was the one in need of the breathing techniques. It wasn't that Atsumu's panic attacks were something strange to him, as they used to occur quite a lot back when they were teenagers and Osamu always was the one to calm his brother down, but it's been quite a while since the last time something like this happened and it took him by complete surprise.

Atsumu's breathing was now getting steadier.

''You feeling better now?''

''Yes.'' If he didn't have his phone glued to his face, Osamu wouldn't have heard his brother's whisper.

_(Plus, if Atsumu weren't in such a state, he would have heard either how his brother had announced to his worker he was leaving or how he was desperatly trying to get changed with one hand or the gling-gling of the keys in his hand.)_

.

The minute Osamu opened his brother's apartment door, he felt as if he was listening to the phone call he had ten minutes ago. Although now, he also could see the state his brother was in, instead of just listening to it.

Atsumu was on the floor with his back touching the couch, his elbows resting on his knees and his hands were gripping his hair. Once he realized his brother had walked in, he tried to hide by covering his face with his palms.

Osamu kneeled beside him (after checking that he wasn't physically hurt anywhere) and extended his arms to bring him closer to his chest, despite his protests.

"There's no point playin' tough guy now, 'Tsumu".

Instantly, the blond hugged his brother, grasping on his t-shirt, and finally let everything he was feeling break free. "Wanna tell me what happened?". Atsumu shook his head negatively.

After a while, he spoke again.

''H-He left.", was the only thing Atsumu said.

.

Two crying sessions later and a fight over the blond's hydration, he finally managed to put his brother to sleep on the couch (as he refused to lay on his bed for some reason).

▪︎♤▪︎

You can do this.

Was all Sakusa was telling himself on his way to Atsumu's apartment. He could do this. He had practised what he was going to say. Everything was going to be okay.

"I am breaking up with you"

The phrase wasn't hard for Sakusa to say, he believed they were just six simple and random words next to each other, nothing less or more.

_Or, that's what he was trying to believe._

He could do this.

To be honest, Sakusa Kiyoomi indeed thought he could pull this through until he saw Atsumu's eyes when he realized what he heard.

"Goodbye Atsumu, hope you have a great life," he said while fighting with every ounce of strength he had in his body to prevent having a breakdown, right here. _A dagger would have hurt less._

.

The moment he sat naked inside his bathtub, he freed all the pressure he was feeling and his tears fall.

_(Because if he weren't wet and inside hot water, his snot and tears would have been all over his face, chest, and hands, and just by thinking about it he feels nauseated)._

But why doesn't the tears stop?

He's been in there for at least an hour and he can't take a handle of himself. He is the epitome of pathetic.

Suddenly, a noise beside his sobs echoed inside his bathroom. It was his phone. There's no way he's going to pick it up.

But if it's _them_?

Ugh, Sakusa reached his phone that was lying on top of a small towel next to the sink. He tried to clear his throat, but he whined as it caused him extreme discomfort.

"Yes?". He nearly did not recognize his voice. It was so deep and raspy that anyone could think that he either had a sore throat _(or that he was bawling his eyes out inside his bathtub for the last hour)._

Once the phone call ended, he left the phone carefully on the towel and buried his whole body inside the bathtub once again, thinking how great it would have been if he could fight the urge to draw his head outside the water to breathe.

.

Sakusa spent the next couple of days way more miserably that he would like to admit. All-day inside his house, taking care of what he had to do and cry more often than he'd like to admit. 

His incredibly exhausting routine came to a halt when his phone vibrated. When he picked it up he wished he could smash it on the floor and along with it, everyone inside of it would forget about him. But he couldn't. He doesn't want to open this message, but he has to.

_we need to talk, are you free this afternoon?_

He cringed at the message; that was so not-Atsumu. Atsumu was never that serious neither in real life nor at his texts.

Without realizing he was scrolling through their old conversations, instead of texting back. If someone who doesn't know Atsumu, read his messages to Sakusa, he would think that the blond is an annoying asshole with some personality disorder _(not that he would have been entirely wrong, tho.)_ He allowed himself to read some more and then replied that they would meet at 7.

Anxiety had already started to fill his body because he knew that today there's no way he can either escape the questioning or keep himself together throughout it.

.

"Hey, Omi-Omi!." said Atsumu once he opened the door with a (forced) smile. Anyone could understand, judging from the dark circles under his eyes, that he didn't get much of sleep these days. He seems so tired.

"Hi." Sakusa rolled his eyes at the sound of the nickname _(ignoring the sting he felt in his heart)_ and tried to sound as cold and collected as possible.

"Ya can sit, I was cleaning all morning, ya know." said with this stupid smirk on his face.

 _God_ , _you are trying so hard to seem okay_ , Sakusa wanted to scold him, but he kept his mouth shut and sit on the couch.

"Do ya want anything?".

"No, I'm fine."

''Kay."

A moment of silence passed before Sakusa spoke this time.

"So, are you gonna start talking or what?"

Atsumu took a deep breath. "'Kay, uhh- so, why?"

"Why, what? Be more specific Miya." Sakusa saw how the other's eyes widened when he didn't call him by his name.

"Why do ya wanna break up with me?". He deadened the words in his mouth.

"I told you, it is because I want to." the dark-haired tried to keep his voice clear and steady.

"That's not a reason". He said immediately.

"If you don't respect my decision, then-". He tried to say but didn't manage to finish the sentence.

"How the fuck do ya expect me t' respect yer decision, if ya don't give me a valid fucking reason to!" Atsumu snapped. He didn't shout, but his voice was loud and sharp enough.

Atsumu sighed."'M sorry, I didn't mean t' shout".

"It's fine." his voice was so low, he cursed himself mentally.

"Try t' understand me too. Ya suddenly come up t' me n' say ya want t' break up." his hands were trembling.

Sakusa took a deep breath. Oh _boy_.

"It's complicated."

"If it's something I did, then I'm sorry okay? 'M gonna fix everything, just tell me what I did." he sounded so desperate but didn't seem to care about it.

"I told you. it's not your fault."

"Then whose is it?'' Sakusa wanted to say, to scream, it was all his goddamn fault but his stupid brain refused to cooparate. 

''That's what I thought, so when did ya stop lovin' me?". Atsumu tried to force a grin at the end of the sentence but the emptiness in his eyes betrayed all the pain he was feeling. 

''I-'' he stopped. _Please stop._

He hated himself so much.

Every word makes his stomach turn; he felt sick, but Atsumu did not stop there, he was getting angry _(and he had every right to)_.

"Let me guess, I found it? If yes, please tell me, 'cause t's difficult for me t' believe that too, ya know.'' he laughed.

''Ya fuck my brains out, telling me ya love me n' takin' care of me n' two days later ya come up to me n' say "oi I wanna break up!". He took a breath. "Unless ya lying for lovin' me too." His voice was so low and his eyes start watering.

_Ouch._

"No. No! I would never lie about something like this. Don't say such a thing again."

"It's not this, it's nt that, then what is it, Sakusa?"

Both of them were so vulnerable right now, it wasn't a contest of who is going to last more anymore, but one of who is going to break down first.

Sakusa's win was secured when he heard his last name, instead of the shitty nickname Atsumu had given him, which, despite his remarks, liked _so much_.

"I'm leaving, Atsumu," He said and dropped his eyes to the floor.

"Huh?"

"I said, I'm leaving".

A thick silence fell between the two men, that lasted a good couple of minutes before either of them even thought of breaking it.

"What do ya mean?"

Sakusa could tell how shocked Atsumu was just by the sound of his voice, but he refused to look at him.

"A polish team made me an offer and I'm going to accept." he tried to keep his voice as steady as possible.

Atsumu's silence made Sakusa finally look up; something he quickly regretted, as he met the other eyes. Never in his eyes has he seen so many different emotions hidden underneath two brown eyes.

"Atsumu, I-" the dark-haired began but was cut off again.

"When did they offer ya the position?"

"What? What has this anything to do with anything?"

"It has t' do with fucking everything! Just answer the god damn question."

"I- It has been approximately two months."

Atsumu laughed. "You are joking, right?"

No answer.

"And when were you planning to tell me that? Or did ya plan that I would find out along with the others at the Black Jackals? Huh? Did this conversation destroy your perfect little plan, huh?" He was shouting now.

Still no answer.

"Oh, no! I think I found the answer! Ya wouldn't let the coach tell us why ya left so that I would continue t' live with the guilt of making ya leave the team! Because you're a fucking selfish asshole, right! Right?" He slammed his hand on the small table in front of him.

"Please calm down, so that we can talk like adults." _Fuck_ , he instantly realized that was a poor choice of words.

"Look who's fucking talking!"

"I'm sorry." he doesn't even know if he heard him. Atsumu took a deep breath and brushed off a couple of stray tears (either because of sadness or anger, not even Atsumu himself knows) that had escaped his eyes.

"If ya expect an apology 'bout anything I said, ya ain't gonna get one," he said in a normal tone this time.

"I'm not."

"I'm giving you one last chance to explain what in the world you are trying to do." He sat on the stool, next to the couch at Sakusa's left. He rested his elbows on his knees and was looking directly at Sakusa.

Sakusa cleared his throat. "Ushijima-san's team in Poland was looking for recruits, so they had the players recommend some options; and so among others, I was recommended too. They contacted me two months ago and made me the offer, saying the first contract is for two years, so about three playing seasons, depending on the championships." He took a breath and looked at Atsumu, who hadn't missed a single blink of his eye. "At first, I was sure I would refuse, then I thought about it quite a lot and also spoke with our current coach. He reassured me that if I accepted the offer and leave, they will always be there for me and that once the contract ends they are more than welcome to have me back. So, I ended up accepting the offer." He was feeling like shit, god. "I want to break up, because I know that it won't be easy if I leave for so long and go so far and it will, eventually, end way worse." Sakusa was now standing.

After a moment of silence, Atsumu spoke.

"So, ya 'r leaving?" He said and run his hand through his hair.

"Yes."

"When?"

"In two to three weeks."

"I was the last thing ya had to care of? To think that I blamed myself for everything this whole time." Atsumu scoffed.

"I'm sorry for burdening you like this, but please, don't make it sound as if this is some meaningless business to me."

"Oh, it isn't?", the blonde mocked.

"Stop this right now. I won't let you insult me like this." Sakusa had put off this whole situation for as long as he could because he knew this is going to be, the single most painful thing he will ever have to do in his whole life.

"You are doing worse things to me right now, Sakusa," Atsumu answered.

"You think this is easy for me ?" Kiyoomi knows he's not in the right position to raise his voice or justify himself, yet he can't help it.

"I don't know, ya 'r makin' it seems so." Atsumu shrugged his shoulders.

"How fucking dare you!" Sakusa snarled and a couple of tears left his eyes. "Do you know how difficult it was for me to choose between the two things I love the most in this world?" He can't help but raise his voice more.

"Seem that you didn't love me enough." Atsumu barked back at him.

A piercing sound echoed in the room.

Sakusa was shocked, looking in between his hand and Atsumu's cheek, while Atsumu was frozen, eyes wide, feeling the left side of his face buzzing.

"Oh my god. Atsumu, I am so sorry. I didn't mean to-" Sakusa cut himself, knowing that nothing he says could express how sorry he is or how awful he feels about what he'd just done. God, he hated himself even more right now.

"It's fine, n' 'm sorry too, I shouldn't have said that." Atsumu was truly sorry, he knew Sakusa's feelings were mutual _(and even way more powerful than his)._

He got up and started walking towards the mini bar he had created. He rubbed his hands on his face, and exhaled. "Do ya want ?" He said glancing at the whiskey bottle he was holding on his hands.

"No." _I just want to get over with it and go home_. He wanted to add.

"You won't survive the night without it, Kiyoomi." He stated after he drank from a half-full glass.

"I know," he responded truthfully.

Both of them knew damn well, there was nothing they could do to sort this out in a different way. They grasped there was no way neither of them could find a way to solve this without heartbreak, problems, or tears.

They knew this is the end.

"So that's it?" Atsumu asked.

"That's it," Kiyoomi responded.

Sakusa was surprised when he saw that Atsumu had now let his tears roll down his cheeks, without even fretting brushing them off.

"It hurts like a bitch." Atsumu laughed and took another sip.

"I know." Sakusa smiled too.

The blond got closer and stood in front of the seated dark-haired. "Can I hug ya?"

"You can."

Atsumu kneeled and took Kiyoomi between his arms. He hugged him so tightly yet so gently. Both of them were crying, but neither of them said a word.

_(Sakusa didn't even think about the gross mixture of snot and tears that he came into contact with)._

"I love you," he said as if it was the last word he could say.

"I love you, too," he said as if it was the most prominent truth there is to him

.

.

.

.

.

"So how about break-up sex?" Atsumu suggested.

"No." Sakusa rolled his eyes.

"But-" he pouted.

"I said no."

**Author's Note:**

> AAAAAAA i love sakuatsu with all my heart but i love hurting them more hehehehe  
> should i make this a series ? or write a reunion ???  
> please feel free to leave comments, every feedback is welcome!! 
> 
> hope u liked it !! <3


End file.
